Tag Archives: Newborn Baby

0

Drink from the Other Side of the Bottle

|

Stinkin’ Cute

Some babies are cuter than others. It’s a known fact. Mommy always says she was very afraid that she would think I was really cute, you know, because you always think your own baby is cute, but that in reality I would be ugly and she wouldn’t know it and be forcing pictures of me down people’s throats none the wiser. Mommy and Daddy didn’t have the 3D ultrasound to peek at my while I was being made so how were they to know I was going to be such a looker? Now days Mommy and Daddy just stare at me and comment on my cuteness so it’s clear what their feelings on the topic are but Mommy still says there’s no way of knowing if I am, in reality, odd looking. (I saw Mommy’s baby picture… I can see why she was nervous… I had to take a nap after looking at it). People are too nice to tell you the truth and she will think I’m better looking than all the other babies regardless. Bubbie is an unreliable source too. She calls me her Little Angel and I clearly don’t have wings so her vision can’t be trusted.

I bring this up because when I was born all the nurses commented on my eyebrows. Apparently most babies don’t have eyebrows when they are born but I had a nice thick set of eyebrows and long full eyelashes so it really defined my face. I’ve noticed, from my own personal experience, that when people see babies (ie: me) they feel obligated to list the features they find the cutest. My eyebrows? Is that it? Is that my best feature? Mommy says “well if she’s got nothing else going for her, at least she has nice eyebrows.” I will let you judge for yourself. Reference photos 1a and 2b below.

1A
1A
2B
2B

1a                                                              2b

House of Hiccups

As a public service, I’d like to gather comments regarding suggested cures for the baby hiccup epidemic. I myself suffer from this tragic ailment multiple times each day. The general consensus among adults is that they don’t really bother us babies but I would like to use this post as a platform to announce my disagreement. Please feel free to leave a comment below with your proven tactics. My Mommy will read them to me so I can choose a suitable course of treatment.

Before you begin, please reference the following article. This came up on Mommy’s black talking machine when she asked The Google. I am looking for alternatives as these suggestions are not recommended by the good people at babycenter.com. When Mommy read this she was outraged that they actually had to tell people not to do these things. Seeing her reaction startled me which incidentally did not get rid of my hiccups so I guess my fellow author was right.

IMG_3327

Bonus: Results of the caption contest

IMG_3626

“Daddy, your wrinkling my dress!!”

“POOP!”

“You got beef?!”

“what’d you call me?”

“PUNK!”

“About nine to ten more months Daddy and I’m gonna stand on my own.”

“Say one more word… Go ahead… Say it…”

“Mommy is dressing me up with all these beautiful new clothes, but soon I’m going to need lots of new shoes to go with them!!”

PS. I humbly remind you to follow my blog should you enjoy it’s content. #milaaudrey

0

I’m So Smart for My Age

|

When I was born the really nice nurse gave me my first test. Mommy says I should get used to tests because I will have a lot of them throughout my life. She doesn’t think the state of NY should rely on tests to judge what a student knows because those tests just require students to recall information and not actually display understanding of the topic. She says some kids are not good test takers. Luckily, I’m not one of those kids.

IMG_3289

The nurse explained that the test I received is called the APGAR test. It helps determine whether babies like me need additional medical assistance when we are born. I got a 9-10 score. Daddy tells me it’s not polite to brag so I will say this as politely as I can, That’s an AWESOME score!

Most babies pass the subsequent hearing test in about 20 minutes. I made quick work of that nonsense and passed it in a short 8 minutes. I had more important things to do like snuggling with my newly introduced Mommy and Daddy.

Now that I’m a month and a half old I decided to start showing my understanding of the world. For example, when Mommy looks wicked tired I know it’s time to sleep through the night. She keeps telling everyone that “her sleep” is the thing she has the most trouble doing without. In fact, yesterday I slept through the whole night. Yes I did! 8 and a half hours straight. Mommy finally sent Daddy into my room to make sure I wasn’t dead and he said my diaper was so full Mommy would have to wash the bassinet linens. She doesn’t like doing laundry but when she folds it she shows me each item and tells me all about the polka dots or embroidered sayings, and what colors they are (like I don’t already know… psht). Just because I can’t roll over doesn’t mean I don’t know what a seersucker stripe is!

Actually, let’s talk about that for a minute. What’s up with tummy time? Who came up with that idea? I would like to meet them and express my disappointment with this activity. Just to spite Mommy I try to spit up every time she lays me helplessly on my little tummy. She’s gotten wise to me and puts a burp cloth under me now. Rats! IMG_3522

 

0

Looooong Nights

|

IMG_3402 (1)I would like to take this opportunity to address Mommy’s bad hair day. I had a “Rough Night” last night. Mommy and Daddy got a whole bunch of free formula samples in the mail and they decided to try a new one. I wasn’t a big fan of that idea and since I can’t yet verbalize my frustrations I decided the best way to show them my disapproval was to spit up everything they fed me. This led to a phone call to the Doctor fairly late in the evening, way past my bedtime. It turns out the joke was on me because his advice was to wake me up ever hour and a half and only feed me one ounce at a time. Something about an upset tummy.

Mommy says that for some people a rough night means they were out all hours drinking. I don’t understand that though because a whole night of filling my tummy with yummy formula goodness sounds like a great way to spend my evenings. Followed by a short nap and then maybe a bowel movement… or two. In case you can’t tell, I’m making my best Cheshire Cat smile right now.

As a result, Mommy went to a baby shower today with wet hair and very little makeup because she needed to sleep in. It makes no sense to me that she washed her hair at all if she was going to a shower. But she’s pretty smart so I’m sure there was a reason.

As punishment for keeping Mommy, Daddy AND Bubbie up all night feeding me they decided to give me a bath. I protested but it went unacknowledged. They were trying to enforce their dominance over me but they spent the whole time apologizing and then snuggled me in a big towel with a hood followed by a bottle. So I’d say I won in the end.

IMG_3354

Yeah, I’d say I’ve got it pretty tough  🙂

0

Mommy Puts the O in OCD

|

IMG_3401

I recently learned about a condition called OCD although I am not certain what it stands for. I will make a note to ask Siri and get back to all of you. I think my Mommy AND my Daddy have it. Let me start with Mommy.

Lots of people call and send her messages on her black square. She talks to it like she talks to me and Daddy. When she talks to people about the day I was born she says “The OCD in me is at peace.” Then she lists the following reasons.

  1. I was born on 4/22. 2×2=4 AND 2+2=4. The numbers 4, 22 and 2016 are all even numbers.
  2. I was born in room 220 which is also an even number and has two more 2s in it.
  3. I was 7 lbs even. It’s not an even number but there is no number after the decimal which seems to make Mommy happy.
  4. I was born at 11:11. Mommy says that’s two 11s or four 1s depending on how you look at it. It’s also a palindrome. I have no idea what that is but Mommy sure likes it so I guess it’s a good thing.
  5. I was 20.5″ long when I was born. This one has a number after the decimal so I don’t know why this is good Mommy says that 20 is an even number and you can close one eye so you don’t see the 5. I’m still learning how to wink so I will have to take her word for it. I am 21″ long now so I’m trying really hard to grow another inch really quick so Mommy will be at peace with another 22.

Daddy likes to eat things in even numbers. I drink a 4oz. bottle to make him happy. Sometimes I sneak an extra ounce after he goes to bed if I’m still hungry. Mommy says “what you don’t know won’t kill you.” I’m not sure sure about that but I trust Mommy so I will adopt this phrase as my own until it’s disproved.

Bubbie says she can tell who changed my diaper by the precision of the job that was done. Bubbie means well but she’s not as… particular as Mommy and Daddy are. But she still takes really good care of me. I can’t complain about the treatment I get.

I hope I didn’t inherit this OCD business. It looks like an awful lot of work. I will use this time to study Mommy and Daddy so I will be better prepared to spend the next 17 years and 49.5 weeks peacefully living in their residence.

I would like to make a subtle reminder that you can follow my blog. Mommy says I should show my appreciation of my supporters so THANK YOU!

2

I’d Like to Introduce Myself

|

Hello World, I’m Mila Audrey. Mommy says I should explain the pronunciation of my name because a lot of people have gotten it wrong. It’s pronounced Mee-Lah. Apparently there is an actress who also shares my name but I am a very unique person so I can’t imagine she is a lot like me other than our name.

I have included a picture of myself below so you can get to know me a little better. Mommy says it’s always good to put a face to a name.

IMG_3302

To provide you with a little background about myself I have compiled a list of the essential information about my very short life so far.

  1. I was born on April 22nd, 2016 at 11:11 in the morning.
  2. I weigh an even 7.0 lbs
  3. I am 20.5″ long
  4. I am cute
  5. I have a Bubbie, Papa, Grandma and Grandpa
  6. I have an Uncle Jason (Mommy’s Older Brother), Uncle Joe (Daddy’s Older Brother), and an Uncle Tommy & Aunt Christine (Daddy’s Younger Brother and his fiancee (I’m told that’s a fancy word for about to get married))

Daddy was a little nervous to cut my umbilical cord but the Dr. told him he had to, it was his only job. I don’t have much to compare it to but I’d say he did a pretty good job. Mommy says he’s pretty handy and good with tools. I think Bubbie was secretly hoping she could cut it though.

Please come back and visit my Blog. I have been waiting 9 whole months to finally be able to share my thoughts. I asked Mommy to swallow a computer so I could get started sooner but she couldn’t quite get it down.